why do we love people who hurt us

We hurt the one we love for several reasons: 1) Unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma – we all experience various degrees of emotional hurt and trauma growing up. Unfortunately, we form part of our identities around whatever we experience, be it love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical abuse.

Why do we still like people who hurt us?

Another reason people stay in hurtful relationships is our belief in what we call “unconditional love.” People often ask what unconditional love means, unsure whether we still have to love someone if they hurt us because we can’t attach conditions to love—such as refusing to tolerate abuse.


Why do I still love someone who treated me badly?

We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.


Why do we go back to those who hurt us?

The mind tries to focus on the painful memories, but the heart will hold on to the beautiful ones. Those are the ones that will haunt you. There is comfort in familiarity, so sometimes we cling tighter to the good memories than we do to the bad. This is why we keep running back to the people who have hurt us.


Can someone love you if they hurt you?

Love is closely connected with vulnerability: the ability to hurt and to be hurt. Although some kinds of hurt in love are intended, most of them are not. Nevertheless, someone who deliberately hurts another person can simultaneously claim to love that person.


Why am I attracted to people who mistreat?

Trauma Bonding is when we are attracted to someone because they remind us of our past traumas. A good example of this would be if you have an ex who broke your heart, you might be attracted to people who remind you of that person.


Why do the ones we love hurt us the most?

According to Brené Brown’s infamous Ted Talk, shame is “the fear of disconnection”. People who carry a lot of shame think they are “unworthy of love and connection”. So, when we lash out at the people we love, it’s because we fear disconnection. The more shame we carry around with us, the worse our behaviour is.


Can someone love you and still treat you badly?

Can you love someone and treat them badly? Yes, you can love someone and treat them this way. This often arises when a person does not learn how to properly treat people as a child, or because they have a hard time expressing their emotions.


How do you unlove someone in psychology?

These tips can help you start the process of moving forward.
Acknowledge the truth of the situation. .
Identify relationship needs — and deal breakers. .
Accept what the love meant to you. .
Look to the future. .
Prioritize other relationships. .
Spend time on yourself. .
Give yourself space. .
Understand it may take some time.


What to say to someone who has hurt you but you still love them?

If you’re hoping to salvage the relationship with the person who has hurt you, then here are some great conversation points to add in:
“I care about you.”
“I respect you.”
“I want to fix our relationship.”
“I want to move past this.”
“I want to understand each other better.”
“I want to be open with you.”


Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me psychology?

You’re going through an emotional rough patch.

Sells continues to explain that when we’ve had some distance and time away from our partner, it’s easy to idealize the good memories and neglect the bad ones. She says that we often unconsciously repress negative memories to protect ourselves from re-experiencing trauma.


Should you reach out to someone who hurt you?

Reaching out might not get you what you want, and could even make you feel worse. Dr. Franco says you should ask yourself if you have the psychological wherewithal to deal with that in this moment. “If the answer is no, then I wouldn’t reach out for closure at this time when you’re feeling so vulnerable,” she said.


How do you stop caring about someone who hurt you?

Detangle your self-worth from the situation. .
Let yourself be angry. .
Shift your focus to all the people in your life who do care about you. .
Honor that you care. .
Make self-love a practice. .
Don’t avoid your feelings. .
Identify and acknowledge your feelings for the person. .
Commit to living.


Why do I miss someone who hurt me?

The ultimate fundamental reason why we miss someone or something is that once it made us feel good. Our brain functions in a very different way than we might assume. Its job is to keep you safe and happy at this particular moment. That is all it does.


Why does true love hurt so much?

Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain regions involved in processing physical pain overlap considerably with those tied to social anguish. The connection is so strong that traditional bodily painkillers seem capable of relieving our emotional wounds. Love may actually hurt, like hurt hurt, after all.


Why can’t I forgive someone who hurt me?

We unconsciously layer the new hurt to the old hurt, until we are facing something too big and overwhelming to forgive and forget. For example, if our partner leaves us, we can experience feelings of rejection that can pile on top of unresolved experiences of abandonment from childhood.







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